Heal through Relationship
Make Friends with Yourself & the World
by
Jennie Williams
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Jennie Williams on Smashwords
Heal through Relationship
Make Friends with Yourself & the World
Copyright 2011 by Jennie Williams
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Smashwords Edition License Notes
This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.
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Heal through Relationship
Make Friends with Yourself & the World
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Table of Contents:
1 Give Yourself the Best Possible Opportunity to Heal
2 Your Body Has its Own Wisdom
7 Ask Yourself Important Questions
9 Tune into Your Inner Knowing
10 Trust that Provision has been made for Your Healing
11 Know it’s OK to Feel Your Feelings
13 Give Yourself Time to Adjust
14 Don’t Miss an Opportunity for Positive Change
15 Observe Your Changing Energy Flow
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Acknowledgements
I would like to convey my sincerest thanks to all who helped me in my healing process:-
Gail Clarke, Alexander Technique and Craniosacral Therapy
Teresa Kennedy, St. John’s Allergy Clinic
Dr. George Lewith and staff, Southampton Clinic for Complementary Medicine
Barry Anson, Hypnotherapist and Herbalist
Trudy Anson, Aura Rebalancing
Hilary Franklin, Shiatsu Practitioner and Sound Therapist
Ashian Belsey, Healing
Sandra Reeve, Shiatsu Practitioner and Movement Therapist
Tim Jones, Sound Therapist
Sara Hooley, Shiatsu Practitioner and Teacher
Veronica Friend, Reiki Practitioner and Teacher
Autumn Arbon, Reiki Practitioner, Massage Therapist
Jan Copinger, Healer
Lucy Starchild, Voice Coach, Sound Therapist and Friend
Dr. Nicola Hembry, Litfield House, Bristol
Persephone Arbour, Insights and Life Reviews
Joanna Gorton, Autogenic Therapist and Psychotherapist
Jill Treseder, for helping me to reconnect with my inner child and feminine
Judith O’Hagan, Transpersonal Psychotherapist
Tara Holt, Nutritionist
Alexandra Pope, Counsellor and Coach
Students and friends at the Devon School of Shiatsu
With enormous thanks to Richard, Husband, Carer, Proof reader and Editor.
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Introduction
This book is a gift to anyone who feels that they have lost connection with themselves or the world. Disconnection can happen through emotional or physical trauma at any time in our lives from our birth to where we are now. Trauma may be severe and sudden such as an illness or it may happen over a period of time such as experiencing a difficult childhood. However we experience trauma, it becomes held in our bodies, minds and emotions. It can cause dis-ease, low self worth, a poor sense of identity, difficulty in relationships, difficulty moving forwards, blocked creativity and lack of fulfilment. When we hold trauma in ourselves, it prevents us from being the wonderful beautiful person we were born to be.
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1. Give Yourself the Best Possible Opportunity to Heal
Many of us are aware of the importance of a good diet, sleep, relaxation and exercise. However to complete the picture, when it comes to our health and wellbeing, we need to add the importance of being true to ourselves, enjoying satisfying relationships and finding true fulfilment in life. If any of these are missing it is time to reconsider our relationship with ourselves and the world. Thorough healing can only occur when we find out who we really are, discover our own truth and find our place in the world.
This often means unravelling some of the unhealthy influences taken on during our life. These are the values and attitudes passed on from our families (or those adopted from society) that don’t work for us. Exposure to these influences for a long time can cause them to become deeply rooted – we start to believe them and take them on as our own. For example, a person may have been brought up with a strong work ethic, feeling that they will only gain other’s respect by working hard and earning a good wage. This person’s true desire may be to walk in the hills and write poetry with no focus on material gain. Due to their upbringing this person will face a conflict. In our formative years when we are not given choices about who we become and how we live our lives, our power is taken from us. Conflict between our truth and the values and attitudes we have adopted will set up a disturbance within our whole self. This becomes held in our body and can cause poor health, low self-esteem and a lack of self-trust.
Working with an awareness of how the body reflects thoughts and emotions can help us to identify and release those thought and emotional patterns that are not right for us. As we let go of these patterns and replace them with new ones, we realise the truth about ourselves and the nature of our true purpose in life.
2. Your Body Has its Own Wisdom
People’s bodies reflect their inner selves. On meeting someone we will most likely discern immediately whether this person is happy or sad, full of energy or tired. Their emotional state and the way they are thinking at any moment are revealed in their posture, facial expression, the way they move and their voice. Sometimes though, a person might not wish to reveal their true self and so consciously or unconsciously ‘wear a mask’ and build a barrier around themselves in an effort to disguise their true feelings from the world. These barriers are built for self-protection and are the first manifestation of internal conflict (as explained above).
Listening to the Body
Healing ourselves often starts with learning to listen to our bodies. When people are feeling reasonably well and able to ‘get through’ everyday life they might carry on with all sorts of niggling problems. It may not be until their body starts to cry out in pain or disease that they start looking at some of the deeper issues within themselves. This is often what motivates people to seek help from medical professionals.
The body has many different responses to situations in our lives and we have found simple ways of describing our common experiences. When we are nervous we might say we have ‘butterflies in our stomach’ or when we want to cry but can’t let ourselves we say we have ‘a lump in our throat.’ We use these sayings on a regular basis without thinking about them and as with most sayings, within them is a simple truth. This truth can be used to help us when working with the body. For instance knowing that ‘butterflies’ in a person’s stomach area usually shows a temporary state of nervousness means that a longer-term problem in this area might indicate an acute state of nervousness or anxiety. Knowing that ‘a lump in the throat’ indicates unreleased emotion means that more severe throat problems or hoarseness could reveal that a person is repressing a lot of emotion.
When a person listens to their body and discerns sensations and feelings, they gain invaluable information about their inner physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.
3. The 12 Body Areas and their Emotional Psychological Connections
The following are suggestions of how the 12 areas of our body can be affected by our life experiences. By resolving any issues affecting us from the past, we:-
a) Allow ourselves the best possible opportunity to heal.
b) Contribute towards the effectiveness of any medication, treatment and/or therapy that we require.
Although each body area is discussed separately, it is important to remember that all the areas are intricately connected. Subsequently:-
1) A problem in one area will likely cause a knock-on effect in other areas.
2) Significant change in a particular area may only occur when problems in a related area have been resolved.
Neck and Head
Personal Identity
The head and brain is the source of all our thinking, beliefs, opinions and ideas. It is where we form our identity. A person who is easily undermined or ‘swayed by others’ opinions may feel a lack of support in their neck resulting in stiffness and/or tightness. This may cause headaches or a ‘full’ or ‘fuzzy’ feeling in their head.
Upper Back
Support from Ourselves and Others
The upper back and shoulders can be affected if a person does not have enough support in their life from themselves and/or others i.e. people with whom they can share problems and work-loads. A person who feels that they ‘carry’ the weight of the world on their shoulders’ may:-
a. Have a lot of responsibility in life.
b. Have a tendency to take on too much.
Middle Back
Vulnerability and Self-protection
The middle back can be affected by a person’s capacity to be vulnerable (reveal their true self) and/or self-protect when necessary e.g. in a situation when someone may try to undermine them. This area is connected with the heart area located in a similar position on the front of the body. It is the degree of trust a person has in themselves and others that dictates their capacity to be vulnerable and to self-protect.
Lower Back
Self-belief and Trust
The lower back can be affected by a person’s lack of confidence in their abilities and lack of courage to stand up for their beliefs. The sacrum is particularly associated with the ability to let go and trust yourself and others. The lower back is related to the upper abdomen (on the front of the body).
This area is connected with our feelings of self empowerment. Feelings of powerlessness which become suppressed and held in the abdomen can be reflected in the lower back and may be felt as weakness and/or tension.
Hips and Legs
Being present and Belonging
The strength of the hips and legs along with that of the sacrum and lower abdomen reflect a person’s physical vitality and the degree to which they are ‘present’ in life. A sense of being ‘present’ or ‘in your body’ can be ‘knocked out’ of a person as early as when they are in the womb or at birth due to a difficult delivery.
In childhood a trauma can have the same effect. This sense of not being present could further cause a person to feel insecure and that they do not belong– that there is no place in this world for them.
Moving Forwards in Life
Our legs are significant in the action of moving forwards, both in walking and in our life direction. A person’s legs, as with the lower back can be affected by their feeling unsure of themselves or held back in life.
Feet
Being Rooted in Yourself and your Life
How well a person feels rooted in themselves and their life is reflected in their feet. A person’s feet can feel heavy and ‘stuck in the mud’ if they feel unsure of themselves and their direction. They may feel twitchy and agitated when there is a lack of clarity or boldness to enable forward movement in their life. A person who has a sense that they don’t belong or has difficulty receiving enough support from the world may suffer with cold achy feet
Throat
Having a Voice
The throat, lungs and diaphragm all work to produce the voice and the sounds are then created by the mouth and tongue. These areas reflect our ability to express ourselves, to ‘have a voice’ and ask for our needs. If a person grew up feeling that their opinions didn’t count or needs weren’t valid they may develop problems with their throat. This could manifest as having a small voice which comes from the throat rather than the diaphragm, or hoarseness. Alternatively a person who has felt the need to constantly over-assert themselves in a need to be heard may have a loud almost brash voice. With either scenario the whole breathing process can be affected leading to a tightening of the thorax.
Heart and Chest
Giving and Receiving
The heart and chest area is very significant in healing. Providing a person felt secure as a child they will generally be open hearted and find it easy to give and receive love. Without this security or as a result of having this undermined as a child or as an adult, they may have closed their heart to protect themselves from being hurt. As a result they may find it difficult to nurture themselves or receive nurturing from others. If this is significant it can cause a closing down of the entire upper half of the body and this can have a knock-on effect on digestion and breathing
Giving from a Place of Fullness
Some people have a tendency to give more than they receive. A person may give out of their emptiness rather than out of their fullness. Underneath this behaviour is often a lack of self-love; an inability to put self first. A person may even feel that it is selfish to put themselves first. This can result in a person feeling tired and drained. If they continue with this lifestyle they will eventually feel like they have nothing left to give.
Giving the Best to Yourself and Others
The heart and chest area can be affected if a person has felt over protected in their life, as if they were ‘suffocated with love’. This could cause them to limit the amount that they give and receive. They may actually feel quite resentful when people require attention from them. This can result from a strong desire to protect people from feeling the suffocating love that they felt themselves. They will likely experience difficulty in giving the best to themselves and in giving to and receiving from others at a satisfying level.
Arms and Hands
Intimacy, Being Open
Shutting down emotionally (see Heart and Chest) can effect a person’s arms and hands making them tight and inflexible. This can cause further tension in their shoulders and neck. When a person is fearful about not having the love and intimacy that they need they may hold a lot of tension in their arms. This can also occur when a person fears that others will not receive what they have to give. This can cause a person to clench their fists, place their hands over their heart area, fold their arms a lot or wrap their arms around their body.
Stomach
Feeling Satisfied and Fulfilled
The stomach reflects our appetite for food and for life. It is referred to as ‘the seat of our emotions’ and is one of the places where people hold much tension. Problems with the stomach may indicate an unhealthy attitude towards the self and receiving.
A person may use food as a compensation for not having something they want in life. This could be love or a satisfying job or anything that is important to them. As a result of this they may comfort eat, obsessively eating certain foods to try to fill the gap. If the gap is from not having received enough love they might resort to eating excess sugar or bulky food such as bread and dairy foods. If the ‘gap’ suggests being unfulfilled in life more generally and a difficulty in moving forwards they may crave protein, meat and very substantial food. This reflects a feeling that they need to ‘get their teeth into something’.
Giving Yourself the Best in Life
A person who finds it difficult to allow themselves to have the best in life may have developed a habit of self-deprivation. This could cause them to deprive themselves of the very foods they desire to eat and may show as a tendency to be fussy or over health-conscious when choosing foods. They may suffer from stomach or digestive problems or have a fluctuating appetite. A severe case could result in a person suffering multiple food allergies. (Please note though that there is often a physical cause to food allergies which needs to be addressed in conjunction with the psychological issues.)
Upper Abdomen
Power to be Ourselves
The upper abdomen is frequently where we feel our ‘gut feelings’ e.g. anger, fear and sadness. When a person doesn’t allow themselves to feel their true feelings they are denying themselves their power. If they have felt unable to express these feelings over a long period of time they might have become disconnected with their upper abdomen. Repressing these feelings can cause a habit of holding the gut tense impairing digestion.
