Get R.E.A.L.! About Low Self-Esteem
by
Jennifer Sarpong
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SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Jennifer Y. Sarpong on Smashwords
Get R.E.A.L! About Low Self-Esteem
Copyright 2012 by Jennifer Sarpog
Smashwords Edition License Notes
Thank you for downloading this free eBook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.
For more books by Jennifer , visit her author page on Smashwords
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Special Thanks to Arlene Dagadu, Raydia Osbourne, and Falon Thomas for your continual encouragement and support for this book and the journey its been to write it.
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FAST FOREWARD:
There will never be 1 second in your entire life where you get away from you. So if you don’t like yourself, you are in for one lousy life.
Great. Glad that’s over :)
Now we can get down to business, because you are not one of those people. The purpose of this book is to make sure of that. Yay for great book buying decisions!
So many people don’t like their lives. They think existence is boring and too routine. But we can’t get mad at life because it’s not exciting. It’s our job to be excited about life. When you add passion, and fervor for love to your life, it becomes exciting.
Whether you feel like you a have great self-esteem, low self-esteem, average self-esteem, or no self-esteem, this book is for you. It will show you little things that will make a huge difference in your confidence years to come.
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HOW TO USE THIS BOOK:
Think of this book as a really heartfelt and honest conversation, Kleenex tissues and all. (But don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me.) When talking about self-esteem, I’m not going to use huge words or medical concepts because most likely, you don’t talk to your friends or think of yourself that way. These things have their place, but the point of this book is to Get R.E.A.L about self-esteem, not confuse you.
I want to you to feel great, love life, and actually be secure with the person you are “becoming”. I say becoming because we are always changing and growing, and that’s a beautiful thing.
The Get R.E.A.L. points throughout the book are cupcakes of wisdom (I love cupcakes) that you should remember for each chapter. If there is a paragraph or section you don’t really understand, take a look it at that chapter’s Get R.E.A.L. point. These are the overall messages in the chapter that you should take away with you for the rest of the book. They are very important. Don’t skip them; they are shaded specifically to catch your attention. Try to keep adding these points to your memory as you read along.
Don’t Wait! steps are strategically placed in certain chapters. When you get to these steps make sure you do them immediately before you continue reading. They will help give you the transformation you’re looking for. There are also Realize the Reality self- reflection questions at the end of each chapter. These questions and steps are vital to getting what you need out of this book.
Try to have some sort of notebook that you write all of your responses and action steps in. That way you can have all your information in one place. This is not a book to be read straight through! Even if you have to stop reading the book for a day or two in order to think about and honestly answer the RR questions, or DW steps, then do it! WHATEVER YOU DO, PLEASE DON’T SKIP THESE PARTS. Reading the rest of the book is useless if you don’t take action and apply what you’ve already learned.
Don’t forget to also look at the back of the book. I’ve included some extra goodies for you to continue your journey long after our convo is finished.
Last, but not least, you should know that this entire book, as well as my website, is based on the Get R.E.A.L. approach which is:
R-ealize the Reality of Low Self-Esteem
E-ngage Yourself in Positive Thinking
A- ccept the Fact that You’re Not Perfect….Nobody Is.
L- ove Yourself Unconditionally
From my research and own experience, this is a simply to way to develop self-esteem. Improvement in self-image and worth all comes down to mastering these simple principles. They run throughout the book and can be found in every chapter.
I don’t believe in wasting time, mine and especially yours. Some of the points in this book are pretty strong, like the cover says, you’re gonna get quick and honest answers. Remember, my goal is to build you up, so think of this book as a good coach. Parts of it may get tough at times, but don’t quit TEAM YOU, you’ll come out a WINNER.
Now, let’s talk.
INTRODUCTION- EVERYONE ESTEEM?
Sometimes, we think our experiences only affect us. At first, this makes sense because we feel that we are the only ones who actually experience what we go through. However, with self-esteem this just isn’t true.
Self-esteem is positive self-image, a sense of worth, and self-respect, rather than a low self-opinion or feeling that you are not as good as others.
GET REAL POINT 1 – Your self-esteem affects you and everyone you.
For a while now, you’ve probably heard the saying “Treat others like you want to be treated.” Others say, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” “Love your neighbor as yourself,” or something similar.
Notice this. The second greatest commandment is “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The key phrase here is “as yourself.” Meaning, if you don’t love yourself the right way, then it’s impossible for you to truly love those around you the right way.
If you mistreat and don’t appreciate yourself, it will be impossible for you to appreciate and love others the way they deserve.
GET REAL POINT 2 – You can’t give what you don’t have..
Seems obvious doesn’t it? But this a point we often fail to remember. Whether we realize it or not, low self-esteem affects all of our relationships and EVERY AREA of our lives. Even if you feel that in spite of your low self-esteem, you have good relationships, I guarantee that with great self-esteem, they’ll be even better.
Self-esteem absolutely rules your ability to have a great life. It’s extremely hard to be negative about yourself and positive about your life. Likewise, it’s almost impossible to be positive about your life and extremely negative about yourself.
Self-esteem affirms us and helps us deal when we confront failure, losses, criticism, and conflict with others. (Four things in life that you are guaranteed to run into). This makes good self-esteem important for our quality of life.
It’s also a buffer against the stress caused by life experiences that can threaten or deflate our self- image. Let’s say, for example you don’t ace the job interview; you don’t get accepted into the school you wanted. Maybe you fail to live up to your original expectations about something. People with low self-esteem may experience crushing pressure, stress and worry over things like this. They may become discouraged and sad because of what they think is failure.
On the other hand, people with high self-esteem are not so easily overwhelmed by negative events and are better able to stay positive. They have more “reserve” self-esteem, which helps them absorb blows to self- image without totally caving in or exploding outwardly. This buffer effect is a major reason why high self-esteem is considered important for you mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Next up, we’ll look at exactly what “low self-esteem” is. The concept may seem pretty vague. But after you read the next chapter, it will be crystal clear. You’ll recognize the symptoms of low self-esteem in yourself and others. You may even see it in the characters of your favorite movies and TV shows. Low self-esteem symptoms are great for movie plots, but not for actually enjoying real life…
CHAPTER 1- WHAT IS LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
Before we answer this question, let’s set some outer boundaries. People with high self-esteem like themselves and think of themselves as generally able, helpful, friendly, attractive, and successful. In extreme cases, people can be narcissistic, a condition in which they have an overly inflated love of self, to the point that their concern for others is minimal and their puffed up self-esteem is destructive.
The total opposite of this is seen in extreme cases of depression. Depressed people most often see themselves as unable, useless, or unlikable failures.
But low self-esteem isn’t as obvious. It involves us having conflicted views of ourselves that are overly sensitive to the ups and downs of life, feeling good one day and bad the next.
Medically, it’s been proven that self-esteem is a powerful predictor of happiness. Self-esteem is also related to our confidence and willingness to tackle new tasks, whether it’s starting up conversations with strangers, speaking in front of groups, or resisting the negative influence of others.
Compared to those with high self-esteem, people with low self-esteem are less confident that they can achieve their personal goals. People with low self-esteem are not happy. They also aren’t as confident and wiling to experience new things. They tend to give up rather than try harder when faced with a difficult challenge or what they see as an initial failure.
Low self-esteem makes it hard for you to open up to others. If you can’t open and connect to form relationships, it creates walls that keep people away. These walls put up a guard that prevents you from experiencing love and the beauty of life.
SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM
I’ve dealt with just about all of the following symptoms at some point in my previous walk with low self-esteem. I’ll talk about my dealing with these symptoms throughout rest of the book. For now, see if you have or are currently experiencing any of the following symptoms listed. It’s important to recognize the symptoms, because what you don’t confront will continue. Realizing the reality of your situation is the first step in causing it to change. It may be difficult, but be honest with yourself, because you are worth it.
1. Constantly living in the past or future, but never dealing with the present moment. Even if something great happens for you, worrying about the future or regretting the past, steals the joy of the moment. Always fight any urge to completely ignore what’s currently happening in your life. People with low self-esteem issues have trouble feeling like they deserve current happiness in the present moment so they constantly relive the past or daydream about future scenarios that may or may not ever happen.
2. Always wanting what it seems like you can’t have. Getting what you want in life begins with recognizing and appreciating the things you already have. When you’re not satisfied with your life overall, or you’re always chasing something (guys, money, “love”, friends, etc..) there are probably low self-esteem issues going on. Begin to look at your life as half-full rather than half-empty, and take on a grateful attitude. Be grateful for the little things. I guarantee it will begin to improve your self- esteem.
3.Sabotaging the success you know you should be having. As soon as you achieve any kind of success, do you do something to mess it up? Honestly, this is probably because in your heart, you really don’t feel like you deserve to be successful.
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DON’T WAIT ACTION STEP! 1 – Make a note of the ways you are sabotaging your own success. From this point on, commit yourself to not doing these things. Become actively aware of your self-sabotaging behavior. It’s easier said than done, but when tempted to sabotage yourself, make a conscious effort to:
A. Stop
B. Realize What You’re About to Try to Do
C. Do the opposite.
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4. Downing yourself. Even if you keep negative thoughts to yourself such as “ I’ll never…” “I don’t deserve…” “I’m not good enough for…” realize that you are absolutely wrong, and thoughts like this are unacceptable. These excuses are you lying about your greatness. If your self-talk is always negative, understand that you need to address the low self-esteem issues that are lurking beneath the surface. Change starts with a decision. Commit yourself to changing your speech from negative to positive. “Death and life are in the power of your tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Choose to speak life over yourself. For example, instead of saying things like “I’ll never” you can say something like “In time, I’ll be able to ___.”
5. Avoiding deep intimacy and putting on a front. For many people, low self-esteem causes creation of a mask or an “act” they feel that they must put on in front of others. They have problems connecting and opening up to other people in a deep way. On some level, they feel that the person they truly are isn’t “good enough,” “cool enough,” “beautiful enough, ” or “smart enough.” They also fear that if other people find out who they truly are, all love will be lost, and they will be rejected. Fear of intimacy due to low self-esteem causes people to walk in a constant fear of rejection. They also fear being abandoned or hurt by people because of what has happened in their past relationships. Constantly feeling this way makes real love seem like something unattainable and impossible. If you find that you avoid openness and intimacy with other people, understand that it is a sign that you need to step back and look at how you feel about yourself, and how you love yourself.
6. Being a busybody- In this role you may be always distracting yourself by keeping busy so you don’t have to look at your self-esteem issues and face other problems. I was the queen of busyness. I threw myself into academics because I was good at it. And as long as I had something to read, or homework to do, I didn’t have to deal with the overwhelming sadness that I felt. Many times, people with low self-esteem issues stay busy so their feelings can stay hidden, since they won’t have the time to stop, sit down, and process them.
DON’T WAIT ACTION STEP! 2 – If you are always busy but never happy, take 15 minutes right now to be still and quiet. Your mind is probably running 2 million miles a minute anyway, so take the first 5 minutes to just calm yourself. Rest. Then take 10 minutes and write down what feelings or issues you might be trying to suppress with your busyness.
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7. Never Sticking With Anything -People with low self-esteem can be restless. This feeling of uneasiness can produce a mindset that always says, “I’m missing out” or "the grass is always greener on the other side." This causes them to never be settled. It also makes commitment to anything for a long period of time very difficult. They may bounce from job-to-job, relationship-to-relationship, or activity-to-activity, never feeling satisfied or fulfilled. If they do become content, it’s only for a relatively short period of time. A person with low self-esteem is always on the lookout for a reason as to why their life isn't working out the way they want it to. They look outside of themselves without realizing that their low self-esteem is what is causing their feelings of restlessness and unhappiness.