Time, Sex & Relationships - Are We Really That Different.
By: Kevin Richardson, Sr.
This is a work of nonfiction, No names were used, and all identifying details have been changed. All stories are based, on real encounters.
Published by: Kevin Richardson Sr at Smashwords
Copyright © 2011 by Kevin Richardson Sr
Smashwords Edition
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Contents
A Letter from the Author
Preface
Chapter 1 - Introduction
Chapter 2 – Re-Defining Dedication & Devotion
Chapter 3 – The Three Conflicts
Chapter 4 – Water/Wine
Chapter 5 – Poet/Charmer
Chapter 6 – Lion/Sheep
Chapter 7 – Mind Confessions
Chapter 8 – Test Your Understanding
Chapter 9 – The Player (Water – Poet – Sheep)
Chapter 10 - The Party Animal (Water – Charmer – Sheep)
Chapter 11 - The Casanova (Wine – Poet – Sheep)
Chapter 12 - The Prince (Wine – Charmer – Sheep)
Chapter 13 - The Private Dancer (Water – Poet – Lion)
Chapter 14 - The Seducer (Water – Charmer – Lion)
Chapter 15 - The Curator (Wine – Poet – Sheep)
Chapter 16 - The Modern Day Man (Wine – Charmer – Lion)
Acknowledgements
A Letter from the Author
Dear Reader,
What has motivated me to write this book is a myriad of reasons. However, the greatest motivation was my mother and the statement that she said to me when I was eight years old. “I never forgot what she said, even when she thought I was not listening” My mother told me, she said: “Kevin, my sweet son, you have a gift like none I have ever seen, you have the ability to see things as they are, and touch people with your words. Keep writing until you find your voice. When you find your voice, announce your presence to the world boldly!” “Share with the world what you know, and do not fear failure, because getting knocked down just makes you stronger when you succeed.” Sadly, on August 20, 2011, nine days past her fifty- six birthday my mother Wanda Lynn Little, succumbed to the ills of Cancer, and took her final journey home, Since her passing I remember the times when I watched coming up, the issues my mother had with men who were obviously to my eyes, no good, and not her type! How could I see and understand these things at such a young age. Until this day, I still have no idea how I did then, or do now. All I know is that I just do! By the time you reach the end of this book, there is no doubt that you will know it also.
I felt the need to grieve my mother’s loss in a way by honoring her wish for me, by giving to the world something that I whole-heartedly believe will change the face of how we look at each other forever. On a personal note, the tears that I have been unable to shed since her passing I have turned into words, and this passion I have to give you something that is and will be revolutionary. I have been writing everything from short stories to poetry since I was able to write. I was then, and even today still the same curious individual. I was twelve at the time when I asked my grandfather why he does not read anymore. The response to that question resonated with me and shocked me at the same time. What was shocking to me was he said, “I really do not know how to read! I get along pretty well, watching life, people watching. It is more entertaining anyway!”He then proceeded to grab this book off the shelf. I cannot recall the name of it, and he read me a quote; “A man who continues to read later on in his adult life, will at some point wonder if he is thinking like himself and learning directly from life or thinking and learning about life from the last book he read.” At that moment, I said that is not going to be me I was going to read the things that were necessary for me to complete my schooling, but at the same time, I will observe the world and allow life to teach me about the things I wanted to know about. The things that I have wrote about are not from a college course I took, or learned from some science book. All the things that are written in this book are based on real life interactions and observations. I did however use certain books while researching to help with minor interpretations of the things I witnessed firsthand. I have been hurt in the past by women, you name it, it has happened! All that hurt just allowed me to want to help women understand men even more than they already do. I am convinced that the hurt I experienced, and the strength that I got from that hurt, allowed me to write this book for women everywhere. Only with the hopes that ,because women will be aware of the things I wrote about it will spare other men from getting hurt like I did and make the entire dating and relationship situations less stressful. Many readers, before even getting through the first few chapters will begin to ask what makes me such the expert. My response to that is, I have subjected myself for the sake of getting it right the first time, to the things I have wrote about I was my own guinea pig. I have studied this dynamic since 1998, because I was simply curious about, who, what, when where, why, and what if’s. I needed answers and books I had read, professionals I listened to or watched never answered those questions for me. Alas, I stopped reading and listening to other people, and sought out those answers myself. That search for answers has resulted in this book. If at the end of this book your still not convinced, do me one favor just take a few hours out of any one day and just observe people in silence. “Sometimes we have to be quite in life, in order to see it being lived.”
Preface
I titled this book, Time, Sex & Relationships – Are We Really That Different because it symbolizes hope for women to accurately and finally make sense of the chaos, deceit, and frustration that exists inside the male mind. Furthermore, allow men to take an even deeper look into their own psyche. Understand men and women are not that different and that we all fundamentally look at relationships the same, we just deal with them differently. What I have been able to accomplish is a first of this depth and format type, easily applicable method for understanding and controlling what exists inside the male mind. It is the result of several hundred hours and years of diligent, curious real-life experimentation, hundreds of spontaneous interactions with men and women.
By the end of this book, you will not only have a firm grasp, understanding and in depth insight into the mind of men, I like to call MY POSSE OF EIGHT, from being able to identify him quickly. You will have a better idea as what to do to get the man you have always wanted. You will have a healthy appreciation of men as individuals instead of a general populace.
This is NOT however:
• This is not some kind of new century technique or male psychological fad that will be gone in a year’s time. Even after we all are no longer alive, this work will remain and applied.
• This is not some boring academic theory or thesis that sounds good on paper but has no real world application or just simply a great idea
• This is not any quick fix to your relationships or ways to manipulate someone. Understanding this information will bring a newfound love and appreciation to men and put you light years ahead of any other girl he might be talking too.
Some of the things that I have written upon are not going to be liked, agreed with, accepted, may even anger some men and women alike. The one thing that I can promise is that at the end of this book you will have some form of understanding of the male psyche and depending upon how many times you read this book, it will also deepen your understanding of yourself. That is the ultimate goal. With that, I will like to say thank you for reading and I hope to assist women out there who through their personal experiences want and need some understanding about the things that they worry about the most when it comes to relationships with men.
Chapter 1 - Introduction
For the past 12 years, I have been discreetly putting to use this books many spectrums of understanding, by interacting with numerous men and women. There were hundreds of individuals from talking, to attracting (women), and debating with, who were unknowingly allowing me to explore and refine this material. Be assured. Every precaution was taken with the hope of not to damage the psyches of these individuals. This effort was so intense and mentally taxing, I actually almost went completely insane. (“I can recall jumping out of a moving car at 45 mph to escape a woman, which ironically landed me on a two week membership at Centennial Peaks”). At times, I became physically ill because I was forcing myself to develop relationships with women and men who were normally NOT the type of people I would associate myself with, women who I would NEVER date, but had to for the sake of being thorough. Men I would never sit in the same room with just to make sure I cover all bases. “I was completely thorough.” Many other books that I have read, professionals I have listened to dealing in this realm treat men as the same, and will blindly teach you what works on ONE specific character type of man will work on another. While this might lead to some success in most cases, it is only just a fraction of what is possible when you become more deeply in-tune with the opposite sex. Not knowing or simply doing what is popular will not get you the desired result with the entire male demographic. As you will soon discover, there are multiple and very different character types of men, and understanding the differences will open up your options and give you tremendous power when dealing with them. You will also be very mindful of exactly the type of mate you want because this book will also help you understand yourself and assist you in defining what type of man you want. As you read this book, you will most likely realize (It may come as an epiphany)that the men and women you see in your everyday life that are or appear to be good with women and men, but are still only consistently get-ting a “type” or “sort” of person, and not experiencing success with a wide range of types. (Same girl/guy every time) This book will give you that ability. I have made significant sacrifices in my life to truly understand and bring to the public something that will push societies understanding to the limits of male sexual psychology and catapult this realty to the next evolution. By simply following my intuition, I incidentally have multiplied my unlikely understanding of the female mind as well. I have increased my versatility, and increased the certainty of my ability to attract the type of woman I wanted to form a romantic relationship, with much less frustration, guessing games and rejection. The challenge of the chase is still there but I now utilize my time more wisely. I do have to thank one woman (who coincidently is also the mother to my son) for flipping that light switch in my brain. Ms. Stacy Pritchett, Thank you so much for being you!
By the end of this book:
• You will be able to SEE INSIDE THE MIND of ANY man you choose. You will not literally see his exact thoughts, but you will be able to predict, with a high level of accuracy, his emotions, feelings, and future behavior. (You will have in-depth insight to what is going to happen before it does)
Instead of hindsight, you will have deadly accurate foresight
• You will have a hyper-understanding of the male mind, which will CHANGE the vibe you are putting across to men. Men will instinctively sense the difference between you and other girls. It mostly manifests in your facial expressions, eyes, and body language. He will know that there is something different about you compared to the others. It is just like being in a foreign country and seeing someone from your home country – you can sense it from their mannerisms and body language before you even hear them speak. It is with that instinct combined with this information that will make this all possible for you to see and view men in a way you never did before.
• You will be able to understand, and influence his behavior on a supernatural level. You will be able to understand him better than he knows himself, (Yes Re-ally) you will be able to behave in a way so that you are an authority and an intricate part in his life, and assist in guiding him to his own inner understanding, which will give you unlimited persuasive power. What most women I talked to would refer to having their men under control. (By the end of this book, you should be able too!) Take caution. You will have men’s lives in your hands, and they will obey you with blind obedience. “Talk about dog’s being man’s best friend”
• By the end of this book, you will join an elite group of individual women. Understanding, having compassion and empathy for men and the ability to predict his future will set you far apart from other women in his life by thousands of miles. You will become someone he trusts, “ we all know it’s hard to get a man to trust anyone outside of his mother” someone he can be honest with, someone he tells all of his secrets – almost like a best friend he grew up with, but with the additional benefit of having a passionate emotional and sexual connection.
• You will be able to identify which type a man is. Is he The Casanova or is he The Curator? There are eight different types of men predominant in our present society that you are going to encounter and be able to know immediately which type they are, and exactly how to get him, if you want him! I have it down to an exact science where, with one question and her answer. I can tell which type of woman she is, figure out if she is, aligned with what I am looking for in a woman, and make a decision. With time, you will too.
• You will then be able to align yourself with the specific character type you want. Why waste your efforts using behaviors and tools that are in no way suited for a specific man. Later on in the book, I dive deep into one character type at a time and dig into it until the only place to go is up. My hope is that you will find and date each character type as we progress. I promise by the end of this book you will have experienced my posse of eight, know which type works best for you, and then be able to predictably find them, seduce them and if you want, form a long term relationship with them. The limit is your own imagination.
True Signs
Now let us talk briefly about true signs and in particular, signs that men give off to women to show you that they are interested. One side benefit to reading this book and embracing it you will be dumbfounded by the sheer number of signs that men are constantly giving off about which character type he is, and also the many ways he’s telling you how to seduce him. Oddly enough after a few chapters, you might start looking at the immediate men in your life, who have been giving you these simple, yet obvious signs!
That Perfect Man
From interacting with women from vastly different backgrounds and social groups, I realized that there are many girls who have men in their lives as friend’s or co-workers who would make an incredible boyfriend, be awesome to have sex with, or is just plain better than most other guys they know.
I am sure there is someone you know male or female, that would be awesome to start a romantic relationship with!
I know personally when I first really started experimenting I met a young woman that told me about this man she had been viewing like the perfect man for her, she was dating him. He was the model type visually gorgeous you know the man I mean! I gave her a crash course on the contents of this book and she gave me an update on what she did and what happened. Long story short she said, “I was able to relate to him on a much deeper level, and knowing what you told me assisted me in so many ways and on so many different levels of my relationship with him”
Now, what this book is going to allow you to do is understand his type, make sense of his behavior. (There is a good chance it’s confusing to you right now) Have a solid chance at correcting your own behavior and getting out of your own way, so that you can form a real connection with him, and allow him to bond and grow with you.
You are going to figure out if a man that you have met or that you really like is Water or Wine, a Poet or Charmer, and a Lion or a Sheep. Hey wait a minute, what am I talking about? Why should you care? Well, understanding these three things is the KEY to knowing a man’s character type.
You simply need to know these three things about any man, and instantly you will know his type. I call this process “mind confessions” because it gives you SO MUCH information about his behaviors, his preferences, his sexual past, and how he falls in love. “With Zen like accuracy”!
You are probably asking yourself, how can I even suggest such an outrageous idea with such confidence, and faith?
Here is why this works:
This is unique because it focuses on REAL differences & similarities between men and women’s minds. Previous authors, teachers, and professors have failed (or rather succeeded with a VERY small percent of women) because they failed to address these very real differences and similarities.
Let me ask you this.
Take two men, one man has had only three relationships in his life, enjoys playing basketball, running, cooking, reading, and does not go to the club often. He does NOT date casually, and has only had sex with those three girls aside from a negative experience with a one-night stand.
Another man has dated 25 girls in his freshman and sophomore years of college alone, frequents clubs and dresses & acts in a way that gets A LOT of female attention, he is approached on average about 4 times a day by women.
Do you think you would be successful using the same approach to attract both men? Of course, you would not unless you had some sort of love potion. Yet every “expert” that I have found who has studied this topic attempts to fit every man into his one-size fits all method.
As a result, any woman using those methods, even if she is very good and proficient is only going to resonate with about 12% of the male populous. On the flipside of the coin, you are going to have a realistic chance with 100% of men regardless of the demographic. This is because I am treating them as unique individuals, rather than as the same. This includes ANYTHING romantic whether it is dating or a relationship, even his capabilities in the bedroom.
This is YOUR guide to the male mind. It will give you al-most unlimited and scary power with men, Respect it, and treat it as such. .
It is about time that I talk about the possible consequences of using, or misusing this information.
My first warning to you the reader
This understanding, when both studied and applied, will give you incredible power with men. They will feel as though you understand them on the deepest possible level even better than they know themselves. For that matter than any other woman that came before you – because you ACTUALLY DO. They will sense even before you say a word that you are on a different level of thinking than the majority of women they meet.
Because of this, they will suspend all critical judgment, irrational thinking, and let go of their normal defenses that keep women away and unpractical common sense.
I have to confess – I had been careless at times with the understanding I now have of myself as well as women. When I was younger, I experienced a lot of rejection and pain dealing with women, so naturally. As I got older, I felt like I needed to overcompensate, do what women did to me per say. Let me say this, “I did big time.” There were a few women in my life that I purposely devastated. Resulting in them being unable to trust, or date men, or feel attracted to other men for a LONG time after we had ended. The mental torment that it bought on me was unbearable – trust me – mental torment comes with that type of abuse. This abuse is one of the factors of me deciding to write this book. I have the chance to use this incredible understanding to change the world for good. This book is my way of reconciling the damage that I have done in the past, hoping that enough women will use this as a tool and in a positive way – we can collectively spread a strong positive energy to improve the lives of women and men – make a real impact on society
Now a second warning:
This is the end of my introduction – and as such – this is the point of no return. Once you re past this point, I will begin to unravel and reveal the hidden secrets of the male psyche.
I will peel back the curtain – and take you through the inner workings of the male mind. I will hold nothing back. At times, although my goal is a high one, and sincere. There are some things dark and some of it may be scary.
So again, if you have the idea that all men are 100% altruistic, they never have any deceptive or hidden motivations this may not be for you. If you have the slightest feeling that you might be getting in too deep, please stop reading this book!
This is information no one else would readily admit to having. You will not find this level of honesty and disclosure about men from a man anywhere. That is why I urge you to take a good look at yourself and ask yourself “am I really ready to take an uncensored look inside the mind of men everywhere, no matter if it’s good or bad?” If not, again, turn back. I am sure if you have read this far you have an interest of wanting to know more, please if you really do not want to know this information please stop reading this book now, never open it again and your social life will continue on the path it currently is on. But if you are one of the many women who really want this information and knowledge that not many in this present day society have and change your dating adventures with men keep reading and step by step you will make the impossible, possible…..
Chapter 2 – Re-Defining Dedication & Devotion
This book is unique, because it has “in my opinion” the most ambitious goal ever – getting complete and total dedication & devotion from a man – whatever man you choose. Defining the goal was a major undertaking. There were a couple of different possibilities, and the early ideas that I thought about, simply just did not seem powerful enough.
Sex was the first one. While having sex with the opposite sex is sometimes a challenge, sex does not guarantee long-term relationships or commitments! “Not in this modern age”! It might have worked in 1932 but not now! I have found no less than a dozen men who have sex numbers in the triple digits! That is right many men have had sex with a hundred women or more!) Even if you consider a man who has had 30 partners, that is still a lot.
Now let us say that you successfully sleep with a man who has had many partners….
Is sleeping with him going to guarantee anything beyond the sex? Is he going to be your boyfriend? Realistically no, you are not going to make any more impression than a customer ordering a whopper at Burger King. Over a hundred billion whoppers served worldwide.
Your particular purchase of that whopper will not change the overall economy of the Burger King franchise. So clearly, sex is not the ultimate goal even though it started out as a good goal.
The next goal I thought about was falling in love. If you could get a man to fall in love, you have won the lottery! Right?
Wrong.
Very young or inexperienced men fall in love INCREDIBLY easy. This is especially true if they have not dated any women that were not ready to settle down. If he is inexperienced – he can be quick to fall in love, but also quicker to fall out of love, or even worse – quick to fall in love with someone else! Think about it, we all have met that person!
Let’s talk Total Dedication & Devotion - From any man, no matter how old he is, what race he is, or how much experience he has, how many other girls are chasing him, and of course his physical appeal.
By total dedication & devotion, I mean that he is willing to give up his current individual life course, to conjoin his with yours so you can take that journey together. He will be bending over backwards, going to ridiculous lengths to be by your side, supporting you, and making you his first priority above everything else, (except for the thing’s he will do to keep his life stable). So not only will you get the normal things that most woman want, like picking you up, getting him to be responsive to your calls, getting him to do practically anything that will help in making your life easier – but you’ll also be able to take the relationship much further, and to a much deeper level.
If your intention is to find a man to help in making your life easier and give you that real feeling of YEAH this guy would do ANYTHING for me, does it with no problem and his heart is behind his actions one surefire way of getting that to happen, is to pay attention that simple! In fact now that I think about it, that is exactly how one of my friends, boyfriend treats her now. That is crazy, but she is not complaining and oddly enough neither is he.
The key is to knowing who he is mindfully rather than physically, what he may do vs. what he is doing and not be wrong about it. That will take really understanding what I am saying. You do the wrong thing with the wrong type of man and its game over. Things like disloyalty, him cheating on you, rejection, him flirting with other girls, losing interest in you, getting in arguments, all comes from “I’d like to think” misunderstanding and underestimation. I am going to try to change this issue and put balance back into people’s lives so we all can live better.
Chapter 3 – The Three Conflicts
There are three MAJOR Emotional and Social conflicts that men and women have in their mind daily. Just like, we want the hottest woman, but the hotter she is, the more nervous we would be to approach her… just like that is a conflict for men, I also understand that women have these same conflicts also. However, because of how our brains are pre-programmed differently, they are MUCH more intense for women than they are for men but equally it is a conflict.
Ultimately, you have to understand these conflicts if you ever want to be exceptional with men. These conflicts are real, and men have to deal with them every day. Men take them for granted – and they almost ASSUME that women should know them too. That is why there is so much confusion between the sexes. Just being aware of these conflicts is going to put you ahead of 99.9% of other women he meets.
By understanding these three conflicts, you are going to exude supreme confidence with men. You will under-stand them better because they will not be so much of a mystery an naturally, because as you investigate the differences and similarities between men and women you will have much stronger conversations, you will have a genuine curiosity, that will make conversation happen with no effort
Men often speak an almost indecipherable male code that is almost impossible for women to translate. Things like how to know he is giving off true signs that he is interested. How to know he is flirting or being serious, why he likes certain women as “just friends.” If he wants a relationship or not, why he is so friendly one minute and ice cold the next, and the list goes on and on.
What is interesting is that – this man talk – or men speaking a different language than women comes directly from these three conflicts.
This chapter we are going to
1. Identify the three major conflicts between his biological drive and society pressures
2. Learn the mental strategies he uses to deal with those conflicts
3. Transparently, invisibly align ourselves with those strategies so that we become the ONLY source of his physical pleasure and emotional comfort. This will make you automatically project the qualities and attributes that make him attracted and get him turned on by you.
These three MAJOR conflicts however, are so intense that they force men to choose a dominant strategy. That strategy becomes part of his personality - which in turn, dictates significant behavioral differences, and determines which visual and non visual triggers make him feel attracted, which behaviors make him feel comfortable, and which one’s make him un-comfortable, what gets him turned on and turned off.
The three major conflicts are Time, Sex, & Relation-ships
The Time Conflict:
Men are biologically programmed to mate with the most amount of women he can throughout his lifetime (spread his seed) dominant women, passive women, high status women, low status women, beautiful women really does not matter! Men are able to find women anywhere with any demographic you can think of, so therefore he instinctively wants to spend time with as many woman as humanely possible, out of sight & mind he has been really screening the women he dates or is currently dating to find the best one. However, there is hidden pressure from society (his fellas, other men) to be the man, IE: Player, Ladies Man…. REALLY! No man will readily admit to this that he deep down wants only one woman. So this is why you will see men who are older and have yet to settle down, becoming sugar daddy’s, and becoming much more aggressive in dating, going out, and meeting women (if they are single, then again men do cheat) Even to the point of hitting on the girls that are totally out of his spectrum of reality. Instead of just coming to grips that he is in fact getting old, he will continue to think he is that dominant man he was when he was younger for his biological TIME is “I can make babies till I’m 70 or 80 years old! I do not have to hurry to settle down. Men actually get BETTER with age, more successful, better traveled, have more sexual experience, and especially now with many of the medical breakthroughs he can make babies up until the day he dies. Why would he rush?
Now here is a fun fact: The world’s population is, estimated to be 6.94 billion humans worldwide. There are approximately 6 million more identified single women than it is men, 51% of that number is currently living without a partner/spouse/mate, Now think about it out of a sample size of ten. For every ten single women there are four single men, which in turn, give’s even committed men six other options of women besides you. Therefore, from the beginning the odds are not in your favor.
Time for women is the opposite (Gentlemen Pay Attention) Women are biologically inclined to mate with the most dominant, high status man they can find. Therefore, she puts good amounts of time in (let us say interviewing) the men she dates attempting to find her alpha male, the perfect man for herself. Be mindful that there is pressure from society to be with a man who has high status – that is what society today is teaching our young women to go after, I can go on all day on this subject, but I will not. It does not help the fact that in her eyes; it is, looked down upon if a girl is single for a long time. This is why you will see women as they get older, (cougars) start, becoming much more aggressive in dating, going out, and meeting men. Even to the point of hitting on the men (exactly like old men, different reasons). In comparison across the room the younger girl and the way she thinks in her young age is more likely to just sit there and let men approach them. It all has to do with her feeling that her time is running out… This is every woman’s untold demon!
There are many evolutionary reasons for this, but the important thing to know is she will feel attraction to the ONE dominant guy in any social grouping naturally – but she may interact in many different social groups – thus she will have many different interactions with men throughout her lifetime. What that means is say she has a study group. There are a couple men, and a couple women. If she spends significant time with that group – say 10 hours or more a week, she will naturally become attracted to the one dominant man in that group. Then she also has a group of friends she goes out with every Friday night to the club. Again, she will naturally be attracted to the one dominant man in that group also.
The Sex Conflict:
Where men and women love the physical pleasure of sex equally, not more than one another do, as many would like to believe, there are many social consequences for him and her equally for not having sex or having too much.
This is critically important – because if you meet a man you like, at some stage you are going to want to have sex with him. This conflict explains what his mindset about sex is going to be like then and later on down the road, even after sex has taken place. Specifically more important are the reasons why he is going to attempt to have sex with you also, how he is going to think about it before and after. “I am sure this is something you’re going to want to know.” Simply knowing how a man deals with the sexual conflict is going to be extremely important to your approach because, whichever trait is dominant changes your approach dramatically.
He loves sex and the emotional bonding and physical pleasure he gets from it – but sex has had negative consequences like emotional trauma and societal judgment. A man will also deal with the sexual conflict in two different ways. It has to do with how big of a deal sex is in his mind. Feels as though sex is not important and have many sexual partners or view it as special and have very few partners.
The Relationship Conflict:
His biological pre-programming drives him to want to protect, support and care for a family, and develop his masculine self, but our male dominated society encourages achievement, status climbing and developing his career, just in case he does not find a woman to settle down with he will always have his career. In comparison with women, her Biological pre-programming drives her to support and nurture a family, and develop her feminine self. Society has the same pressures on her to develop her career, just in case she does not find a man to support her. This is why you will see very successful women quitting their jobs or taking an extended leave from work when they have kids. You will rarely see a man really taking a break from work to focus on his family – if anything he will work even HARDER when he has more mouths to feed.
Now, because of the intensities of these three conflicts, he has no other choice but to derive strategies to manage them. There are two polar opposite approaches a man can choose for each conflict. The approach he decides on using becomes habitual, and it manifests drastic differences in behavior between men. Now, all men have the same conflicts, so that does not really make them unique. The difference however, is HOW MEN CHOOSE TO DEAL with these conflicts... What I have found is that for each conflict a man has two different choices of how he will deal with it. The strategy a man chooses to effectively deal with these conflicts is what makes up his character. Defines what his character type is.
Just like if there is a conflict between countries – there is also just two main options for dealing with it – we can compromise and do a peace deal or we fight and go to war. It is the same with a man’s conflicts – they tend to have two main approaches, and they are POLAR OPPO-SITE of each other. If you use the wrong approach – you are going to get the opposite effect that you intended on getting, the approach that he chooses influences ALL of his dating decisions. What works best with one man can be TOTALLY OPPOSITE of what works on another.
So let us recap the three conflicts.
So again, there is the conflict of TIME – He wants to spend time finding the BEST possible mate, but his instinct is to be with more than one woman.
He has the conflict of SEX – He wants to experience the emotional and physical pleasure of sex but sex comes with consequences.
The conflict of RELATIONSHIPS – He has a biological urge to focus on raising a family, but our society is urging him to be self-sufficient and career focused.
For each one of those conflicts he has two very different but specific ways of dealing with them.
All you have to do is fully understand what is going on inside his mind and figure out his predominant approach for each one of these conflicts and you will understand him.
Now I am going to get into something exciting. I am going to give you some words that make something like this that appears to be incredibly complex and sophisticated REALLY SIMPLE.
I am going to give you some terminology that serves as shortcuts to break down this psychological process into a series of three letters. Realize that you are learning a totally new and powerful way of understanding men. You can think of it as learning a new language. However, this language only has six words in it!
So far, we know that a man will deal with the time conflict in two very different strategies. This has to do with how many women a man will date at the same time. I have named those two strategies WATER & WINE or W/W
Next, we have the conflict of sex. Where men love the physical pleasure of sex, but there are social consequences of having sex. Being stereotyped, and prejudged by women or women not seeing him as marriage potential if, he has had too many partners or not enough. I have named these two approaches Poet & Charmer or P/C
Finally, the third conflict of relationships. How he views his future especially in terms of his relationships and what he expects of himself over his lifetime. This will also have a very important role in his life. This is very important to understand because men will strongly favor one or the other, this will be a key influence over what types of women he finds attractive, and it determines how you will come across – so that you can align yourselves with either his family outlook or his career outlook. I have given the name of the Lion & Sheep or L/S to these two approaches.
It is like being lost in the jungle on some island. You are thirsty; you are cold, hungry and
have not had any contact with anyone you know. Then someone comes along – they have water, a map, matches, and they have food. You are going to be that person in a man’s life…. No matter what type of man he is. He is going to like you, want you, find you attractive, find you incredibly feminine and sexual, let you do whatever you want with him, almost worship you. Once you totally understand that men will usually pick a certain strategy and STICK WITH IT, you realize that male psychology is DRAMATICALLY different between individual men.
Chapter 4 – Water/Wine
Trying to figure out if he is wine or water is actually going to be the most challenging if not most daunting one out of all the traits I will discuss, because men who are Water will pretend they are Wine and vice-versa, and keep those facts hidden. Therefore, this dynamic can take a little bit of time to determine, so I really dove deep into this one.
Water – This characteristic is one that can change and is the easiest to be fooled by, With this one you have to go at it with due diligence. A man with the characteristics of water will be one in which he has many women in his life. I do have to say this fact cannot be used alone to determine if a man has this trait because it can also be very misleading. As much as it shames me to say, women you get this one wrong 95% of the time. A man that has this trait generally does not care what you look like. Does not care what your social status is, how good you are in bed it is an illusion to him therefore it makes no difference to him. Simply if you have not challenged this man to change this trait to wine in a reasonable amount of time, he will continue to search and add to the group until he finds a challenge to him. Understand his thought process you have something and simply one thing that some other woman may not have. If you are the pretty one in the group of many, you are only there until he finds someone prettier…sorry! If you think that, he is sleeping with all of the women he is dating he more than likely is not. He may be sleeping with two or three out of the group but only those two or three. Bottom line on this is that this trait gives meaning to “do not let the smooth taste fool you.” It can change rapidly.
Wine – This man on the other hand is of a different breed he is untamable because he is already tame (do not break him) As a general observation, women tend to do that not knowing that they did. OUCH! He is a strong man dedicated to one and only one at a time. This man is not a guessing game he wears his emotions on his sleeve like a badge of honor, he is proud of whom he is and will stand by his woman no matter what! Oh but be very careful, because he can also be very dangerous. He can easily be water pretending to be wine to attract you, remember I said these traits are inter-changeable so you have to make sure you see this one clearly or you might be bitten! This man trait is associated with the nurturing and caring for his woman, he wants to be with her and he will remain faithful to her, he wants to protect her as he would protect his mother. Be cautious though his at-traction is to a certain female that fits his perception and he is going to attempt to change whatever he thinks does not fit him in order for you to be perfect for him. This can backfire if you are saying ‘sounds easy enough” you are sadly wrong. It can go horribly wrong with this man if he is able to change what he thinks does not fit and you do become perfect. He is A Man Ladies! He will start to revert to the characteristic water and start to search for another woman he can try to change. I am not saying do not let him change you, all I am saying is you now have knowledge of this trait.
Let us take an even deeper look at Water
It is all about emotional diversification for this man. He does not want to put all of his nuts in one tree. Most likely, it comes from being traumatically hurt in the past. So he samples. He keeps women on the side. He flirts heavily and leads girls on. Literally has no shame. What is important is the understanding behind WHY he does/doing these things. Many women I have talked with made the same common mistake. Assuming that all men are the same, they date many women and is having a lot of sex, and not trying to find just one girl.
Sorry to say they are WRONG!
In fact, a man that has chosen to use Water as a way to handle his Time conflict does NOT really CARE about finding ONE perfect girl. He can totally give a rat’s ass. He is getting the total package and total fulfillment by getting certain types of value and emotions from the combination of women he has chosen to surround himself with without having to commit emotionally to one woman.
He is simply thinking, “I’m just having fun for a few years and then I’ll find someone to settle down with later.” I got plenty of TIME!
In addition, surprisingly – of course over time, even if they find that perfect one, his “Halle Berry” they might still date others who are not as good as her just to have some symbol ice of what his world used to be like! Hold and squeeze your man too tight and he will revert to what you may call going from wine to water. THINK ABOUT IT! Many of you are guilty of and have been the cause of a few men thinking and living this way now!
I am going to generalize a little bit just for the sake of doing so as some are not yet really grasping what I’m writing so here goes!
This is not the case 100% of the time, but in general Water has suffered some kind of romantic loss or trauma relating to a woman where he has felt cheated and betrayed by a woman in his past.
Water is sampling multiple girls to feel significance and validated as a desirable, attractive man. Moreover, this is VERY important to men, even though many won’t admit to it, It’s about the male ego the only way to heal past pains in Water’s mind is to gain as much admiration from as many women as possible.
I met this man recently on an airplane and to say the least, I was totally blown away by what he told me about his current life. He was dating this girl for over 3 years and he wanted to marry her in fact. However, what ended up happening was totally way out of left field, his child’s mother had passed away, and while he was at her funeral his, soon to be, fiancé was sleeping with another man in their bed and he came home and caught them in the act. At that point, I was heartbroken for the guy. The apathy I had for him at that moment changed as rapidly as it came. When he said and I quote “I stopped working no BS, took a 6 month vacation moved to NYC all set out to date as many women as I could in those 6 months”, (sick right?) and from what I gathered from him during our conversation he did just that and accomplished his goal. On average, he was telling me, he dated 8 to 10 women at the same time and all were oblivious of that fact. He did all the right things for all of them, but at the end of the day, they all thought they were the only one. Yes he SE-RIOUSLY dated on a full time basis, a professional dater if you want to call it that, don’t know how he did it, really didn’t care but I immediately identified him as a man who went from being wine to the dominate water trait and all we did was have a 15 minute conversation. Therefore, I did not know who to feel apathy for at that moment, him, or the girls.
Now here is the kicker, those unsuspecting girls who were unaware of this specific trait in men or even some of the information that you have now. On the other hand, even knew there was a trait. May have actually thought of him as “Wine” (although they would not know the correct terminology) because each had no idea about all the others, and it would be safe to assume that every one of those women assumed all the attention was squarely focused on her. End Result, was he said in one move he broke up with each one simultaneously moved back to his hometown and returned to work and he is still single. Therefore, now somewhere in NYC there are roughly 8 to 10 women that he just destroyed their mental reality and are now broken hearted and alone again I suppose, “make’s you kind of feel bad. I truly hope I am able to help some of you to identify the subtle clues so you can really figure out the guys who are really Water. Because as I said before Water will present an image to girls that, they are actually Wine.
Has this happened to you or someone you may know before?
I would not doubt that some of you have already started looking at men a little differently now. What is hilarious to me is that, you doing it would not be a shock to me because I know as women readers specifically I am a man so you are going to question everything I write. I would at least like to hope that is what you are doing, if not I wouldn’t have a reason to keep writing…but anyways
These men are indeed extremely powerful, and emotionally unstable. As women, I need you to be very mindful and you have to be especially careful of them. It is best to know a guy is Water and treat him exactly that way or I can almost guarantee you will be the victim each time. (Tired of being alone I just gave you one key to stop the madness) This is going to be a surefire way to grab his real attention if his attention is what you actually want at all. This man can be tamed! (I will go into detailed strategies as we progress forward)
Please take this very seriously, do not try, and implement any of little information you now know too your advantage on your man/men you are currently dealing with. Try to have a little bit of tact, but most importantly patience do not try and mold him to what you want, it will go horribly bad this I promise you and it will ‘GO BAD’. It is still too early to effectively implement what I have said thus far properly and get the best result with the least amount of effort, so if you think you can bake a cake and don’t know the ingredients but you try and bake one any way with a partial recipe. We all know it will be a horrible disaster. So please do not try to convert any men. YET!
Let us do a quick recap of Water
• Does not care about finding the one perfect woman he is perfectly satisfied and getting what he needs from a combination of girls
• He will have multiple girls to feel significance, to feel validated and wanted Give that old Ego a boost
• He is not always sleeping with all of the women he is dating, this is very important for you to remember it is going to come back up as we keep going forward