Body Language in Business
Richard Mulvey
Published by Richard Mulvey at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Richard Mulvey
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Table of Contents
A Day in the Life of a Body Language Expert
In The Beginning
20,000 years ago business was a very simple process. One cave man could exchange a clay pot for a leg of mammoth with another cave man with just a nod and a grunt. Today we need to create new words for our ever-changing situation and our more advanced business requires more demanding communications. We have over 200,000 words in the English language alone. That number is growing rapidly and every day somebody asks:
"What on earth is he talking about?"
For those of you that thought that the nod and the grunt were much easier I've got some news for you, we are still using them.
In man's early years we developed the skills to communicate using body language. We have all but forgotten those skills but the language remains and is a truer reflection of our feelings than the words we use.
Some years ago Dr. Albert Mhabrian undertook a study to calculate what influenced the communication of attitudes and feelings. His findings can be summarized as follows:
The communication of feelings and attitudes
7% Verbal Communication (Words)
38% Vocal Communication (Tone)
55% Visual Communication (Body Language)
Recently these statistics have been bought into question but if you find these statistics hard to believe they can be very easily demonstrated. Think of a very strong feeling, say love or hate. Now try to communicate that feeling using first words, then words and tone, and finally words, tone and body language.
Let us say that you wanted to communicate that you love your partner. Try the following:
Say, "I love you” in monotone. This takes some practice because we are not used to talking without varying the tone of our voice. If this is done correctly it will sound unconvincing to all but your computer.
Now say "I love you" varying your tone to put meaning to the words. This will be more convincing and will work well over the telephone, but if you are face to face with your partner and say these words without moving your face or body it will still be less than convincing.
Now say "I love you" varying your tone and kneeling on one knee with your right hand on your heart, your left hand out in front of you with your palm showing, your face smiling and your eyes wide open looking into the eyes of your partner. This will obviously be the most convincing.
Now try saying nothing and simply use the body language. While the words used on their own are meaningless, the body language on its own can say a great deal.
We are all experts in Body Language. We have all been practicing the use and understanding of body language since before we could speak. When asked, most people are surprised at their own in-depth knowledge of body language.
Consider the following questions:
Would you be happy to buy a car from a man who often talked with his hand in front of his mouth?
Are you likely to trust somebody who cannot look you in the eye when you meet?
Would you feel comfortable with somebody who points at you when he is talking to you?
Do you know what an insincere smile looks like?
If you are an adult with good eyesight your answers to the above questions are probably No, No, No and Yes.
In fact most of us are highly experienced in the field of understanding body language. What we tend not to do is trust our own judgment, believing body language to be a subject for the experts. Although the reason why we use one or other gesture may be new to you, much of what I have to say will be confirming what you already suspected.
Origins
Body language seems to have two distinct origins:
From our ancestors, not learnt but acquired.
From our childhood, learnt and developed.
From our ancestors
From our ancestors for instance, we get the use of the hands to communicate.
20,000 years ago when we met somebody we would look at them and make an instant judgment as to whether they were trustworthy or not. This skill had to be fairly accurate as it might mean the difference between life and death.
If they had their palms hidden they might be hiding a weapon, a stone or a stick, and we would be careful of them. If they had their palms on show we would know that we could trust them.
Palm showing to demonstrate honesty is still with us and can be witnessed all over the world. If you see a friend over the other side of the street you would show them your palm, we call this a wave and handshaking is widely used as a greeting. All of these have developed from the ancient need to show the palms of the hands to prove that there is no concealed weapon.
When you are invited by the legal profession to attend their ritual gatherings you are asked to demonstrate your honesty by displaying the palm of your hand as you take the oath, again proving that nothing is being concealed.
Although man seldom carries a weapon nowadays, at least not in polite society, the feeling gained from showing the palms of the hands is still with us, and can be used to demonstrate trustworthiness in conjunction with other gestures.
From our childhood
From our childhood we learn more obvious body language that becomes refined as we grow older.
If a child is surprised or frightened he will often hold his hand over his mouth in a subconscious attempt to hold back his voice. The same is true if the child is obviously lying.
The child's brain will say "Whoops there's a lie coming out", and instruct the hand to cover the mouth. Usually the hand is too late and the child lies and then slaps the hand over the mouth. Parents will recognize this common gesture.
As the child gets older, the hand to mouth movement develops some subtlety but it is still noticeable even in young adults.
Finally, the majority of adults have refined their body language but the movement is still there if you look for it. When a lie is imminent, the brain instructs the hand to cover the mouth; just before the hand gets there the brain has second thoughts and redirects the hand to rub under the nose, or even down the side of the face or brushes the hair back. This gesture however, still indicates the presence of a lie.
To ensure that there is some logical sequence to this book we will start at the top of the body and work south, culminating in a brief look at the fascinating courtship dance of the modern Homo Sapiens.
Body language is similar amongst humans throughout the world but there are cultural differences that are worth noting.
Can you really read peoples minds using body language gestures?
It has been said that body language is not an exact science, and it is true that it is often a mistake to take one gesture in isolation and give meaning to it. While one gesture on its own may be open to misinterpretation, a group or cluster of gestures seen together can give a clear indication of feelings or attitudes.
or instance, if you are a lady and you find yourself sitting next to a handsome young man with his legs crossed toward you, this should not be considered in isolation as a clear indication that he would like to talk to you. If, on the other hand, his legs are crossed towards you, his body is turned towards you, his arms are unfolded and his palms are on show, his pupils are large and he has a broad smile, he looks into your eyes, then breaks eye contact down into an “intimate gaze”, you can be pretty sure that he is not thinking about his mother at the moment.
This book is not designed to be an exhaustive study or the result of years of scientific research. I started to study body language as a tool to improve my own sales and presentation skills, and then to teach others. This book will, however, teach you the body language basics and how to apply them to every business situation that requires interaction with other human beings. An in-depth knowledge of body language is an invaluable tool in business. It is also a fascinating subject and even a little knowledge can produce remarkable results.
The Face
The face is the focal point of human body language and for centuries scientists and philosophers, authors and poets have all attempted to describe the many thousands of different facial gestures and their meanings. From Shakespeare to Darwin, or Machiavelli to Morris, people all over the world have tried to give meaning to a smile or a wink and I see no reason why I should be left out of this illustrious group. As with most of this book, I will not go into too much detail over each gesture but with the broad outline, the reader should be able to put together groups of gestures that have real meaning.
Eyebrows
The eyebrows can be useful communicators but they are often mistakenly ignored as being irrelevant. The instinct to greet with a flash of the eyebrows is inherent in all primates and while it is less obvious in man, to greet without a slight raise of the brows will not be well received.
Apparently this “flash” of the eyebrows has developed from the need to open the eyes wider when meeting somebody to see them more clearly. As the eyes open wider the eyebrows go up, then down when the eyes return to normal as we recognize them.
A flash of the eyebrows literally means, “I see you” and would be combined with other gestures such as a smile to indicate “I see you and I like you”, or no smile “I see you and I am not sure about you yet”
Other eyebrow positions are a reflection of the desire to open the eyes wider to see more or to cover them over to protect them. The following eyebrow positions need to combine with other gestures to be sure of their meaning.
Up - surprise or aggression
Down - scared or angry
One up and one down - confused or skeptical
Down outside up inside - distress
Eyes
Your pupils may grow to up to four times their normal size when you are looking at something you really like or when you are feeling very positive or excited; and reduce in size when you are feeling negative.
This piece of information may seem of little value on it's own but many of our facial gestures are a direct result of this expansion or contraction. When you meet somebody you instinctively look at their pupils to try and ascertain their attitude. This is usually done subconsciously but you do it every time. If their pupils are large then you would presume that they like you and if small then they probably do not.
This is very easy to see in children because the contraction and expansion is very quick. One test you can do with your children is to find four photographs. Three of them should be things they don’t like (perhaps a picture of some cabbage, or their school, or a picture of their least favourite great aunt, anything will do). The last picture should be ice cream. Turn all the pictures face down on a table and ask the children to look at them one at a time; first the pictures of the things that they don’t like; then the ice cream. As they look at the first three their pupils will shrink slowly; as they look at an ice cream, however, their pupils will expand dramatically.
Large pupils always make a child more loveable, and evoke parental feelings of protection. Artists who want to sell large numbers of child paintings always make their pupils larger than life. This may not be true to their calling but certainly sells pictures.
Gaining eye contact is an extremely important way to convey your attitude and to judge the attitude of others. When you are talking to somebody and they are unable to look you in the eye, you are unlikely to trust them. Subconsciously they are trying to hide their pupils from you, leaving you with the impression that they are holding something back, which is probably the case.
To get across the message that you like the person you are talking to, you need to meet their gaze for about two thirds of the time you are talking to them, and your pupils need to be larger than normal. If you fix their gaze and you have very small pupils this may be taken as a sign of aggression, so you need to feel very positive about the person you are meeting to ensure that your pupils are large.
If you can get across the message that you like the person you are meeting, it is very probable that they will like you in return.
You cannot of course, stare straight into peoples eyes for the full length of the meeting. Studies have shown that there are three distinctly different types of gaze that convey differing meanings.
These gaze types are The Business Gaze, which moves around a triangle from the top of the forehead to the two eyes; The Social Gaze, which moves around a similar triangle but between the eyes and the chin; and The Intimate Gaze that includes the two eyes and a position around the chest or lower.
When we meet someone we would usually get eye contact at about ten meters. Eye contact is then continued until about two meters when it will break. The direction of the break will often be an indication of the type of relationship that will follow. If the eye contact breaks up the relationship will usually be a business relationship and if the contact breaks down the relationship will be a social one. Interestingly, you can often do more business when the relationship is a social one, so I recommend that breaking down and concentrating your gaze on the lower triangle is the best option.
If you are meeting with somebody and you would like to change the atmosphere from a business meeting to a social occasion, you might try to change your focus and gaze at a triangle including the two eyes and the chin. If this gaze is returned the atmosphere will lighten considerably.
You cannot of course stare into another person’s eyes without a break. This would not only be uncomfortable but would probably be considered to be a sign of aggression. Tests have shown that on average people will look at the eyes for about 30% to 40% of the time, the rest being a tour of the other facial features and beyond. Stares are saved for the communication of strong feelings of love or hate. Both lovers and haters may stare directly into the eyes of their partner or opponent in a desire to communicate their feelings - the major difference being the size of their pupils.
When you are speaking to an audience, eye contact is extremely important and cannot be left to chance. I have observed a number of different types of audience eye contact over the years but the one that stands out as being the most effective is the 4 to 5 second rule. For the most impact when presenting to an audience, you should focus your attention on an individual for between 4 and 5 seconds, and then move on. This style has the effect of leaving each member of an audience believing that you have been speaking directly to them.
Hiding your eyes by not maintaining eye contact is not the only way that we manage to conceal the size of our pupils. People will often rub one eye with a knuckle when they are lying, in a subconscious attempt to hide their pupils, and wearing tinted or dark glasses will have the same effect.