Permission to Nap
Taking Time to Restore Your Spirit
by Jill Murphy Long
Copyright 2002, 2011 by Jill Murphy Long
Published by Permission Books
Smashwords Edition
Cover Image: Flaming June by Lord Frederic Leighton, Museum of Art, The Luis A. Ferre Foundation, Inc. Ponce, Puerto Rico.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval system—except in the case of quotation embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from the author: permissiontonap@yahoo.com
This is not a medical book. If your insomnia becomes a chronic problem, please contact a healthcare professional.
Published by Permission Books
POB 770089
Steamboat Springs, CO 80477
(970) 846-1428
permissiontonap@yahoo.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Long, Jill Murphy
Included bibliographical references.
1. Stress management for women. 2. Nap (Sleep).
Smashwords Edition / License Notes:
This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to
Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people.
-Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 Women Who Nap Shamelessly and Without Permission
Chapter 2 The Truth About Napping—Today & Tomorrow
Chapter 3 Because I Want To—and Good Reasons
Chapter 4 Seasonal Escapes at Home—Luxurious Nap Recipes
Chapter 5 Relaxation Techniques—Meditation, Yoga & Massage
Chapter 6 Enter an Enlightened World—Aromatherapy
Chapter 7 The Sounds of Sleep—Fountains, Chimes & Music
Chapter 8 Dedicated to Soothe—Iced & Hot Beverages
Chapter 9 Truly Lavish Essentials—Tactile Comforts for Indulging
Chapter 10 Morpheus’ New Choices—Peaceful Nap Sanctuaries
Introduction
“We must be learn to be still in the midst of activity
and to be vibrantly alive in repose.”
–Indira Gandhi (1917-1984)
I wrote this book because I saw how tired, frustrated, and depleted many women have become living their fast-paced lives. I witnessed this situation ten years ago and again today as I updated this book. The truth remains that most women: young, new mothers, mothers of teens, career women, wise women and the newly retired are still not sleeping as well as we should or as much as we want. Our minds, bodies, and spirits require time to be quiet and still. For many, relaxing is a difficult habit to develop; it goes against ingrained in us ever since were first adorned in pink. Women are trained to multi-task, not to sit and do nothing.
As part of my research for this book, I conducted a survey about napping among friends and business associates across the county. I asked them to tell me if they napped, how they accomplished it, and if they didn’t—why not? The responses came in from tiny towns and the big cities. In handwritten notes, many expressed frustration at having no time to nap, let alone sit for fifteen minutes and breathe. Others told me that they felt lazy if they put their feet up or had to be sick to relish a cup of tea and be still for a while. Married women and mothers reported that their partners or children interrupted them. Many voiced there was not a quiet place in the entire household to find tranquility, and too many replied, “I’m just too busy.” Most of the woman did admit to dreaming of time alone, yet only a few actually rested or napped on a daily basis.
Women (and men) should be allowed to slow their days and sit for a while. Whether they sleep or not—doesn’t matter; what matters and is essential is the downtime. This is much more than just a book about naps—it is a book of discoveries, an introduction to elements and ingredients to consider when creating a personal relaxation ritual and designing a nap sanctuary. It is a gentle guide for expanding your creative spirit and improving your physical and mental health.
Everyone needs a relaxation ritual. Your personal choice could be a twenty-minute nap, morning yoga to awaken the body and mind, a quiet session of walking meditation, or a little time sitting in nature, which can replenish the spirit and be counted as a “nap”—at least in my book.
We also need a place where we can go to rest—a sanctuary filled with soothing colors, comforting textures and fabrics, and calming aromatherapy to provide a undisturbed haven, an oasis of comfort and beauty, a place for peacefulness and rejuvenation.
This self-care habit will grant you the continual serenity that your spirit seeks and needs. With a respite secured between your busy hours, daily living can become much sweeter. Give this time to yourself as a gift. Consider this book a grant of permissions—permission to rest, permission to pamper yourself, and of course, permission to nap.
Chapter 1 Women Who Nap Shamelessly and Without Permission
“It is good to have an end to a journey towards;
but it is the journey that matters in the end.”
–Ursula K. Le Guin,author
When I started to write this book, everywhere I looked I saw signs to take a nap. In a national women’s magazine, an alluring photo of an Adirondack chair placed pond side with a frosted beverage beckoned the weary. A grocery store ad headline read: Lynn’s Having 50 Guests, A Deli Tray, A Fruit Tray and Oddly Enough, A Nap. In a men’s magazine, an ad showed what pure tranquility looked like with a close up photograph of a young father and son napping in a hammock. Real Simple magazine primarily extolled the importance of living a calmer, more enriched, and balanced life.
For most women, however, the actual act of napping eludes us. Daily exhaustion and an urge for caffeine have nothing to do with age, but with how fast life is moving and the less-than-adequate sleep received each night. The body, a resilient system, can be recharged if given the chance, yet women always have something else to do.
Many female poets and authors illuminate the importance of relaxation as a part of every woman’s daily life. Poet Emily Dickinson set an example for Victorian ladies and napped. Edith Wharton, Virginia Woolf, Isak Dinesen, Madeleine L’Engle, and Alice Walker affirmed a woman’s decision to rest in their peaceful, yet convincing prose.
Decades of medical research support the body’s need for at least eight hours of sleep per night to repair and regenerate for the new day. Sleep studies also revealed that the midday dip in energy is natural. When we respond with a siesta, we give our bodies a chance to distress.
Cultural Snapshots
I spoke with international authors, business executives, and women from around the world and became more convinced this venerable napping tradition of many cultures is a good, healthy habit, one Americans should adopt for life. Ancient civilizations considered napping as normal as eating and drinking. Historians find traces of this daily habit as early as the fifth century B.C., when Asians, Athenians, Romans, and Egyptians delighted in the custom of afternoon sleep.
Today, Spain, Latin America, China, India, and parts of the Middle East are still big napping territories. Most Europeans—except the Germans, our forefathers of the Protestant work ethic—usually snooze or relax in the middle of the day. For the Chinese, the age-old custom of xuixi, which means “to rest”, is practiced regardless of where they reside. If you try to reach a diplomat in the Chinese Embassy in Washington D.C. between noon and two in the afternoon, they will be doing what they have always done at this time—napping.
In America, this act of self care is all too often a luxury of the rich, retired, kindergarteners or college students, or permitted only if ill. This downtown is something the American psyche desperately needs and wants. Women are the number one candidates for this well-deserved rest, but why aren’t we napping?
“…there is a luxury in being quiet in the heart of chaos,” said author Virginia Woolf.
I believe she is right.
Where Are All the Napping Women?
“In my country of origin, South America, I never felt guilty about napping. In the United States, people think they should always be on the go,” said Pilar Leslie, mother and senior care residence administrator from Rancho Santa Margarita, California.
Most American women feel guilty about taking time for themselves. Others are frustrated from being interrupted by everyone—husbands, kids, friends, family, and neighbors—when they try to make time to be alone and those who do take naps reportedly have to protect their time and then must justify why they were sleeping in the middle of the day.
The bright side of my survey was from those that indulged regularly in beautiful naps or made time to do other spirit-settling activities. They celebrated with an elegant tea party for one, read inspirational quotes or affirmations, meditated, practiced yoga, and lounged in a comfy porch chair just to watch the afternoon sky. Some relied on soothing music or wrapped up in a favorite blanket and did nothing but breathe. They have discovered how to slow their fast worlds for a few precious moments every day. We should applaud those who have adopted this healthy habit into their lives and then we should join them.
The Men vs. Women Nap Factor
“Why do women tend to feel guilty about napping, but men do not?” asked Pam Lee, mother and high school English teacher in York, Pennsylvania.
Men have always created their own space without guilt and without permission. Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison frequently snoozed. Within the office of politics and world diplomacy, Sir Winston Churchill changed into his pajamas to nap and Charles V, the Holy Roman Emperor, also enjoyed his siestas. Former Presidents Johnson, Coolidge, Kennedy, Reagan, Clinton, and Bush Sr. and Jr. opted for regular afternoon shut-eye sessions to combat their demanding schedules. Leonardo da Vinci credited for his increased creativity to the influence of a midday doze. Johannes Brahms purportedly worked on his famous lullaby around his nap each day.
As our world moves faster, women keep adding more to their lives. Ozzie and Harriet are no longer the rule—in fact, they are fossils. Today’s Harriet endures a mad dash to the daycare center five days a week. Another source of stress is the lack of help around the house. Domestic duties still fall disproportionately into the woman’s lap even if both partners put in full-time hours at the office and this same uneven housework scenario occurs with or without children. The man around the house now picks up better after himself, but only contributes up to twenty-two percent of the housework and that includes the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, and meal preparation.
Women run on overdrive every day. It’s no wonder that the number of women suffering from burnout is on the rise. In her attempt to do it all, superwoman has perfected squeezing more time out of the day by sleeping less, but how long will her energy and spirit last?
Understanding the Need for Good Sleep
“Every person, especially every woman, should be alone
sometime during the year, some part of each week, and each day.”
–Anne Morrow Lindbergh, aviator and author (1906-2001)
She’s busy. He’s busy. We are all busy all the time and connected via Facebook, electronic devices, and email. There are very few quiet places left on earth anymore—even public libraries are not silent due to the incessant buzzing of cell phone conversations and despite the “Please turn off your cell phone” signs. Now, you are never out of touch—except with yourself.
In our Puritan-rooted society, it is our busyness that we, and others, value and measure our worth. We brag about the few hours of sleep on which we can function, yet we fight the urge to nap. This yawning majority now wears their badges of sleeplessness like status symbols. However, by mid afternoon, they are stumbling around the office or home with heavy eyelids.
Sleep Fact:
Since Thomas Edison invented the light bulb in 1879, nighttime sleep for the average American has dropped from nine hours per night to less than seven.
We are sleep cheats and are beginning to pay the price. Napping needs to be made a respectable part of the American day and the thinking that equates naps with indolence, old age, or preschoolers must be dismissed as passé and the guilt surrounding this act of self-preservation erased. An afternoon siesta, rich in the most, restful phase of slow-wave sleep is a very effective tool for regaining productivity and balance in life. If we would only take the time to stop our minds from racing from one thought to the next and rest our tired bodies, our systems would recharge. We need to recognize this habit as a good measure for our wellness health.
We cut into our nighttime sleep to do it all and as a result, the consequences of sleeplessness begin to appear: irritability, weight gain or loss, depression, premature aging, chilliness, lethargy, and eventually, insomnia. Our creativity wanes. Our sense of humor is lost. We cannot cope well with the demands of daily life. We find ourselves living in a state of constant exhaustion.
What type of life are we leading? Are these tasks—the ones we put first in our days—even conscious choices? Are they more important than sleep? Are they more imperative than our health?
Taking the Time
“Beside the noble art of getting things done,
there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom in life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.”
–Lin Yutang, author and inventor (1895-1976)
The Zen concept of “mindfulness” is the act of having complete concentration in the moment. In mindfulness, you focus on now. There is no future, no past. For many women, who have less time to do everything, including sleep, this concept appears to be a lovely but fleeting impossibility—yet mindfulness is very simple and effective. To encapsulate the concept in a few words: If doing the dishes, just do the dishes. If resting, just rest. If you are writing, just write. Cease all other activities. Focus on the activity or task at hand to feel at peace rather than starting ten other things and feeling frazzled.
As you prepare to relax or work, say one word aloud repeatedly that describes what you plan to do. When it is naptime, gather your blanket and say, “Rest, rest, rest…” This process of verbalizing the activity or task readies the mind for acceptance. You will also feel a comforting sensation that will encompass you once in this state of mindfulness; it is a feeling of being less rushed, less stressed.
In your everyday life, practice mindfulness. Make shorter lists of what should be done today. I use the small 3” x 3” Post-it Notes to make sure that I do not overload myself. If you do not accomplish some of the tasks, simply move them to tomorrow or later in the week. Be sure to put at least one relaxing activity in your day. Congratulate yourself on all of your daily accomplishments, no matter how few or small.
In your relaxation ritual, practice mindfulness. Seek stillness and listen to your thoughts. Surround yourself regularly in this pure, sweet solitude. Make the time for such simple pleasures as a nap, a walk, or daydreaming. A nap will feed your mind, body, and spirit, so you can return to your day renewed and refreshed.
Success in mastering something new always begins with small steps. On your journey of discovery, may peace always be your companion.
Try any of these self-care acts and start your practice of mindfulness today:
Draw a bubble bath and soak in the illumination of a dozen, mini rose-scented candles.
Wrap up in a cherished robe and sit for a while with eyes closed in your favorite chair.
Toss a quilt on the ground. Lie down on your back, stare at the sky, and just breathe.
Settle down with a photo album, page through the memories, and count smiles.
Sip a cup of herbal tea before a small candle, watch the flame, and be mesmerized by its fire dance.
Stroll around the block and marvel at how nature bravely mixes colors together.
In your relaxation time, search for simplicity. This piece of tranquility carved from a busy day is the most precious and important gift that you can give yourself. You deserve a nap. You are not being selfish. You have earned this peace.
Chapter 2 The Truth About Napping—Today & Tomorrow
“Knowing that naps are great for your health allows me to lie down without
guilt, wrap myself in cotton, and languish in the healing power of sleep.”
–Gail McMeekin, American author
Being well rested is crucial for productivity, essential for good health, and may be the basis for happiness. As we mature, our lives change, and therefore, our sleep patterns are affected. College students actually need up to ten hours of sleep a night. New parents lose from four hundred to seven hundred and fifty hours of sleep during the first year with a newborn under their roof. La Leche League, the support group for nursing mothers, recommends that all new moms take a nap whenever their baby sleeps.
As our bodies grow older, we may wake up more often during the night, but this is because our lighter states of sleep increase while our deeper stages decrease. No matter what age we are, twenty-five to one hundred-and-five, we still require at least the minimum recommended eight hours of sleep and all adults can benefit from a nap.
Our bodies have an internal clock known as a circadian rhythm that signals us when it is time to sleep. This is why we feel a drop in energy at night and another dip during the daytime between one and four in the afternoon. The tired feeling that you experience after lunch is not due to a big meal or alcohol, but rather to the dip in your rhythm. You feel sleepy because your body needs and wants to rest.
Sleep experts recommend keeping afternoon siestas under one and half hours, so not to interfere with nighttime sleep. For most people, a snooze of fifteen to thirty minutes is best. Experiment to see what works best for you.
In a world that never shuts down, many people brag, “As soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m gone.”
Unfortunately, this is the equivalent of someone saying that he or she is a good eater and as soon as he or she sits down to dinner, the food is gone in minutes. This is not the sign of a good eater, but of someone who is famished; the same true for those, who fall asleep so fast. If you fall asleep quickly, take a look at how sleep deprived your body may truly be. Tally your sleep hours to make sure you are getting enough ZZZ time. The numbers do not lie.
“Napping should not be frowned upon at the office or make your feel guilty (when) at home. It should have the status of daily exercise,” recommends Dr. James B. Mass, psychologist and sleep expert at Cornell.